Monday, May 28, 2012

"Why I'm Skipping Shavuot"

Rabbi Laura Baum (from Congregation Beth Adam, Cincinnati, and OurJewishCommunity.org) recently wrote an article in The Huffington Post that has tied me up in knots. I agree with her categorization of Torah; I disagree with her observance.  I think her point is brilliant; I think it's rationalization.  Here it is in its entirety, below.  What do you think?

(spacing is weird, not sure why)


Why I'm Skipping Shavuot 


I'm a rabbi. But I won't be observing the Shavuot holiday this weekend. Not because I don't have the time. It's because the traditional message of Shavuot doesn't speak to me.


My non-observance of Shavuot makes me like the majority of Jews. Many don't even know what Shavuot is. If you fall into that category, here's the primer on one foot: tradition says Shavuot commemorates the day that God gave the Torah to the Israelites at Mount Sinai.

As a proud Jew who does not believe that God gave the Torah to the Israelites, the holiday doesn't do much for me. It may sound like I don't care about Torah. Far from it. I believe Torah is one of the most important reasons to care about Judaism.
But I don't look at the Torah as a description of actual events. The Torah is not a history book or science text and should not be read like one.
What speaks to me from Torah is that our ancestors took amazingly radical steps to create a document that would survive against all odds. And their efforts resulted in a people who would survive against all odds. The Israelites twice survived the destruction of their temples. When other groups faced such annihilation, they simply assimilated. But not the Jews.
That's because the writers of the Torah designed the text in such a way that it literally built a community in ancient times. And it created a Jewish people who lasted.
While today I do not use Torah to guide my life, I recognize the power it had for our ancestors, and I am inspired by their boldness and creativity.
Legend has it that when the 18th century French writer and notorious anti-Semite Voltaire discussed the possibilities of miracles with Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, the king challenged Voltaire to point to one authentic example of a miracle. "Sir," Voltaire is reported to have said, "it's the Jews."
But Judaism's survival was not a miracle in the sense of a divine act. The miracle is that a group of people banded together and said something like, "We have something worth preserving, something we are willing to stand for, even in the face of despair."
These Israelites had a vision that transcended every notion of peoplehood and culture up until that time. Instead of focusing on land and kings, they focused on relationships. Because their vision so boldly broke from the past, they would need to sustain it through stories.
Through the stories of the Torah, the Israelites would define themselves as a community.
Not only were the Torah's storywriters brilliant, they did an incredible job of marketing the scroll. In their willingness to fabricate the truth -- with the myth that God gave Moses the Torah on Mount Sinai -- they found a surefire way to "sell" the story.
To me, the claim that God wrote the Torah diminishes its revolutionary character. Fraught with inconsistencies and filled with stories borrowed from neighboring cultures, it would be a pretty mediocre work for an all-knowing all-powerful divine being.
I am far more interested in the idea that a group of Jews sat around and decided to create a document that would give meaning to their lives. With stories that gave voice to their ideas and values, the biblical authors were able to think beyond themselves, to break from the past.
So while some will celebrate the myth of God giving Jews the Torah on Shavuot, I'll be doing other things that evening. But I hope to take a moment to appreciate the creativity of my ancestors -- the authors of the Torah's remarkable fables. Perpetuating the God-as-author myth not only serves to deny our ancestors' creativity; it pushes many Jews further away from Judaism. Today, many Jews want a Judaism that is intellectually sound and historically accurate. A Judaism that reflects how we live and think today. Teaching myth as fact is insulting and self-defeating.
The Torah's authors felt empowered to engage in an act so radical, so creative that it would ensure not only their own survival, but that of of the Jewish people for centuries to come.
As I reflect on Shavuot, I honor the writers of the Torah's myths. They are my inspiration. They weren't afraid to challenge the past to create something new. To ensure our Jewish future, we need more people like them today.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Ordination cleaning

Jonathan and I just spent three hours after Shabbat ended vacuuming and dusting.

Family, if you still sneeze next week, know that we tried.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Missing Daddy

We spoke to Jonathan on the cell phone last night before the kids went to bed.  Xander then insisted on going to sleep with my phone tucked in his arms, under the blanket.  I fished it out after he fell asleep... and he woke up at 2am, panicked that it was missing.

Jonathan gets home late tonight.  I think Xander will do a happy dance of joy, to say the least.


And Nicole, Yael, Maura, Rachael, and Margaret?  You have helped make this week work. Thank you for keeping me sane.  I really do need a community, I don't know how people raise kids by themselves!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

HOORAY!

We have a place to live in California!!

Monday, May 21, 2012

A 31 year-old's version of Xander's "Why???"

Why is that attending weddings is no longer romantic?  The guests at the table next to us at Tim's wedding on Saturday even offered to watch the kids while we danced... it lasted about 30 seconds before X came to join us.

Why is it that single parenthood reminds me of having my first newborn?  Jonathan's in CA all week finding us a place to live, and I have felt just as frazzled, unkempt, and late everywhere as I was when X was first born and I couldn't figure out how to adjust.

Why is that the cats gobble down the most expensive cat food, and turn up their noses at the cheap stuff?  That one's probably self-explanatory, actually.

Why is it that the amount of laundry that needs to be done is consistently disproportionate to the size of the people involved?  I've been wondering this one for three and a half years now.

Why is that medicine cabinets are so tempting?  I woke up this morning to rustling sounds, to find that X was wearing my blush-red shade of lipstick all over his face and had sampled a few Tum's.  After being read the riot act, I don't think he'll be taking any more "medicine" without asking.

Why is it that a toddler and a preschooler, when given the opportunity to run/toddle quickly, run/toddle quickly in the opposite directions?  I bet if I can find a solution to this phenomenon, one that doesn't involve child leashes, I'd be a multi-millionaire.

But perhaps most importantly...

Why is it that even now, when I'm tired, cranky, and am ready to absolve myself of all parenting, I can still look in on my sleeping children and think that they're the most beautiful creatures on earth?  Life truly is mysterious.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I wonder who gets the royalties?

In the car today with Ari I didn't feel like putting on the radio, so I started to sing.  After going through my usual songs I somehow dredged up two jingles I hadn't sung in years, that my mother used to sing to me:

My bologna has a first name
It's O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a second name
It's M-A-Y-E-R
I love to eat it every day and if you ask me why I'll say...
Cuz Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A


And then the second...

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner
That is what I'd really like to be-ee-ee
Cuz if I were an Oscar Meyer weiner
Everyone would be in love with me!


I started thinking about it more and so did some research:  the first song is from 1973, the latter one is from 1965. That jingle has lasted for 47 years!!  That's a really good commercial lifespan.

For your enjoyment, the originals:





Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Ari took his first steps!

I came home from hanging out with Rachael, was minding my own business, and BOOM!  Walking!  Thankfully the camera was nearby.  Here are his fourth and fifth steps, I believe. :)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I won something!!

I get the online newsletter of Jewish Woman Magazine, and I clicked a button to sign up for a free copy of this:




And now I'm holding it in my hands!  That never happens!  To say I'm jazzed would be a severe understatement.

As for what else is going on?  Nothing, really.  Husband.  Kids.  Packing.  Reading.  Friends.  I think this must be what relaxation feels like.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day

All hail Jonathan.  He gifted me with...

Sleep.

Flowers and balloon.

My favorite food for lunch.

Graeter's ice cream.

Hours to read in the middle of the day.
And he took care of all the conflict with kids.

That was the best part, because we went to dinner at Amanda and Tom's house, and Erin and Batya came over there too.  The adult company was fantastic.  But the kid range was 1 (A), 3 (X), 4, 6, and 7.  Ari hung out with the adults.  X did not.  And he tried hard, and all the kids were nice, but you know, there's a really big maturity difference between 3 and 7.  And I didn't have to referee a thing.

I love Mother's Day!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Feeling grateful for the universe


No, I don't care that it's an ad.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Motherly musings

Jonathan is out with Xander this morning on a class field trip to some fancy gardens (my field trip last week was to see Elie Wiesel... both good, just different).  While they're gone, I'm at home switching all of Ari's clothes to the next size up, and packing up my office. 

I know I've written about this before, but I sometimes I get these moments where I still can't quite believe that I'm the Mom.  Last night it hit when I was cutting up watermelon and writing cute notes on napkins to put in X and J's lunches, just like Jan used to do when I was a girl.  I remember my dad cutting up the watermelon every night for post-dinner snack when I was in Israel, and Gwen doing the same with honeydew... I was always afraid of the big knives.  Now it was Xander's turn to be in awe of the knife and my turn to reassure him that no, he couldn't help, he wasn't a grown-up, and that if he ate all the watermelon for dinner there wouldn't be any left for the next day.

I picked Xander up from school yesterday and we went out for a treat afterwards.  He had fantastic behavior, and we both really enjoyed ourselves.  I told him, "I get to be with just you, out for ice cream!  Without Ari, without Daddy.  Just us.  It's like Mother's Day came early."  His response?  Deep thought, and then, "When is boy's day?" ("Every day," I told him.)

On that same mom theme, my lovely husband sent me this.  In my current mindset, it's the best ad EVER:



And, lastly, lately our house has had a heavy rotation of Wonder Pets.  It has an insanely catchy theme song.  Think kid opera with a large dose of repetition and a healthy topping of sap, with strange mixed-media images, and you'll have it down.  I like it... up to a point.  So when I faux-groaned at Xander's choice the other night and said that he could watch anything else, anything else, please, he was honestly bewildered. "But... Wonder Pets are great!!!  You love Wonder Pets!!"  Ah, my son, you love Wonder Pets.  Please stop confusing us.


Edited to add:  I just found these lovely poems that I thought I'd share.  The first one is pretty famous; the second one applies to me a lot more!

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ’til tomorrow
For children grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs
Dust, go to sleep
I’m rocking my baby
And babies don’t keep

ADAPTED VERSION:

Websites and emails can wait ’til tomorrow
For children grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow
So quiet down projects,
Phone, go to sleep,
I’m enjoying my children
And children don’t keep.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Quote of the day (from yesterday afternoon)

"Mommy, can you warm up my popsicle?  It's too cold to eat!"

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Picture post

Playdate with Carlie.  She's holding the SIM card to her game on her neck (don't ask why, she insisted) 





Trying out the furniture at Costco.




 Do you want to get Costco pizza?  Maybe the parents will say yes if we both ask.




 Oh YAY thank you for saying yes!





Shabbat with Shabbi Dinosaurowitz, take two.




Shabbi's so funny!




Talk to the hand.




Family snuggles.





Woah, what's on that ceiling?




Ari chattering away.



Deep conversations with Shabbi.




Xander feeling cuddly.




The picture we ended up using. 



And there was also a playdate with Julian/Kaya and a big bouncy red ball, a Tot Shabbat beautiful handmade flower for Shavuot, and meeting Emory, Marc and Rachel's newborn.  But no pictures of any of that, sorry.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

A sad, but growthful few days

I officiated at a very sad funeral on Thursday, for a wonderful woman.  The funeral went fine, on my part, but it was hard.  HUC students need a class on how not to choke up when the family gives the eulogy, or sobs at the grave.  It was pretty difficult to stay focused on the liturgy when everyone was in tears.

The next day Jonathan and I went to the Pompeii exhibit at the Museum Center downtown.  It was fascinating, but again, emotionally difficult.  They had body casts of people in the moment they died; i.e. the exact position of how someone looked two thousand years ago, immortalized in ash.  They need Kleenex warnings at the exhibit opening.

In less-sad but still slightly disappointing news, I was offered to teach a class at Cal State Sacramento.  As much as I wanted to do it, I went with pragmatism and turned it down - I don't want to be overwhelmed in my first months in a new job, and thought it would be wiser to stay focused on temple life.

And because I'm in a strange funereal mood, this image cracked me up!


Friday, May 4, 2012

Words words and more words


Xander likes to “collect” new vocabulary words and use them in a sentence.  He’s loved bizarre ever since he learned it, and last week’s was rare.  Yesterday, he learned mystery.  So today, it’s been “Where’s Daddy?  It’s a MYSTERY!”  “What are we having for dinner?  It’s a MYSTERY!”  etc. 

So this morning I came up with a sentence that made him laugh long and loud:
 
“Xander, I just saw a cat with purple fur.  It looks so bizarre!  I’ve never seen one like it, it’s very rare.  And I have no idea why it's fur is purple… it’s a mystery!”

He cracked up so hard that Simcha got spooked and went into the other room.  And Xander later repeated the whole sentence to Jonathan.  I was proud.  Of both of us. J

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The questions and the answers

A very, very small sample of Xander questions from the past two days:

- How do light bulbs light up?
- Why do big trucks go slower than small trucks [on the freeway]?
- Why do fingernails grow?
- How do scoops on excavators move?
- Why are fire trucks adom [red] and not my favorite color verod [pink]?  (he’s been way into Hebrew colors lately)
- Why does snake start with "S" and not "C"?
- Why are some people's eyes blue and some brown?
- How do back wheels move on cars?
- What do ostriches eat?
- How do they make raisins?

And my personal favorite, after seeing someone outside a Cricket wireless store in a costume, and having me explain what an advertisement is: "I don’t understand.  Why does that green alien sell phones?" 


And we now have an answer as to why our basement flooded.  Turns out the pipe outside the house, attached to the hose, froze in winter and cracked.  So every time we've turned on the hose since then it's leaked a tiny bit of water directly onto the inner basement wall.  And when the plumber was here fixing it, he had even better news for us... we have to replace our water heater.   Arg!