Guest blog from Bubby/Jan

A few of you have requested a guest blog entry so here ‘tis. It’s been 5 weeks since I arrived and I’m shaking my head in disbelief that the visit is actually coming to an end tomorrow. Being here and sharing this experience with Michal and Jonathan has been unbelievable. First, just the fact that after 5 weeks, all of us are still civil to each other is an accomplishment! And, in fact, we’re all getting along quite well.

Michal and I spent 2 glorious weeks together before the baby arrived. She wanted to get everything together so we shopped, we organized, I precooked some meals. And we talked and talked and talked. Michal and Jonathan were also very generous by including me in every doctor’s appointment and visit with the midwife.

Then October 7^th arrived and so did the baby. Michal awoke at about 2am with cramps but she thought it was just false labor so she ignored them….as long as she could. By 3:30am, she woke up Jonathan and at 3:40am Jonathan woke me up. What's funny is that I had been in a deep sleep when Jonathan came into my room to awaken me, so when I saw him I exclaimed, "What is it? What's wrong?" At that moment, being still half asleep, I'd forgotten the purpose of my visit! Michal was having her baby!! By 5:30am Michal was in full labor and we called the midwife who arrived by 6:30am. Things were developing quickly and although it took a little coaxing to get Michal to step into the birthing pool, once she did, things moved even more rapidly.

I really had no idea what it would be like to see and hear my beloved daughter in pain and afterward Michal told us that it was the most excruciating pain she’d ever experienced. Now, that means something because for those of you who know Michal well, you know that she really doesn’t complain about pain. I remember once when she was a child and had literally impaled herself on a fireplace poker, she walked calmly into the kitchen and casually said, “My back hurts.” Yeah, I guess it did! She required stitches. But she was calm and didn’t complain. So I know she was in pain. I guess I expected myself to crumble and not be able to handle her screams but I suppose I turned into my mother at that moment and simply dealt with the task at hand. I was there to be with my child when she gave birth to her child and I was going to be there for her in any way she needed me. And that did not include becoming an emotional wreck.

I can’t say that the birth experience met my expectations because I really had no idea what to expect. Oh, Michal did everything she could to prepare me…..she sent paperwork, books, pictures, and YouTube videos. But even after reading and watching everything, I still wasn’t prepared for what was to come and my participation in it. When Michal asked me to be at the birth, I warned her that I didn't know anything about childbirth. In fact, I joked with her saying,. "Honey, I was barely present at YOUR birth!" And that was true. Michal was a very high risk pregnancy. I was instructed to stay in bed after the first 12 weeks and her birth was a planned C-Section. I arrived a the hospital on the specified day, was wheeled into surgery, had my epidural and Michal appeared a few moments later. What did I know about childbirth!!!??? This was going to be a new experience for both of us!

Michal experienced what is called back labor and wanted someone to push on her lower back. So the midwife’s assistant did just that. Then Michal’s friend, Sarah, and I took over when she needed a break. I couldn’t believe how much pressure she wanted so we kept pushing harder and harder…to the point that my arm was vibrating from applying so much pressure. Once when I thought I might be hurting her, I let up a bit and it didn’t take more than a second for Michal to bellow, “Don’t stop!” So I guess it wasn’t too hard after all.

I sat and talked with the midwife at about 8:30am and she told me that the labor was progressing very quickly and that she expected that the baby might arrive by 2:30 that afternoon. But no guarantees. So we were all more than a bit surprised when Alexander literally shot out like a rocket only half an hour later at 9:07am! Sarah and I were still putting pressure on Michal’s lower back when Michal, who was squatting at the side of the birthing pool, started what was to be the last push. I was looking over her back towards her tush. No baby. And then Sarah calmly stated, “Uh….the baby’s out.” We were all stunned! It had only been 2-1/2 hours, lots of screams and moans, but only 2 pushes in 7 minutes. And there was the baby. Wiggly made his entrance. And what an entrance it was .While we were all looking toward the middle of the tub, the baby appeared in front of Michal and all of us except Sarah missed it!

Michal reached down into the water, picked up her son and there was this poop-covered little boy, eyes wide open taking in the whole room! I couldn’t believe how alert he was. No crying, no screaming. His palms were open and relaxed. Well, Jonathan and I were overcome with emotion and my eyes just filled with tears. Jonathan and I embraced and cried together.

The birth was exactly what Michal had envisioned. She wanted a home birth surrounded by those she loved and those who love her and it couldn't have been better. She did have a few complications afterward (Michal delivered so quickly that her body had trouble catching up). But she soon felt like herself again. And the baby was wonderful. It didn’t take more than 5 minutes to realize that he looks exactly like Jonathan…. the smile especially. And he’s so communicative and easy! He rarely really cries. Oh, he cries, don’t get me wrong. But his cries are filled with intonations and expression. Less demanding and more like trying to communicate. It’s hard to explain. Alex (some of us call him Avi….his Hebrew name) only complains when he’s hungry and most often tells us he’s hungry by sucking on his own hand. He also hates having a wet or filled diaper, and tells us by kicking his feet. If we don’t get to it soon enough, he lets us know verbally. Sometimes he stops crying as soon as we begin to undress him to take off his diaper, as if he knows what’s going to happen next. Sometimes, he waits until the old diaper has been removed before he stops. But when he stops, he gets totally silent and it’s obvious that he’s content. And he is fastidious! He must go through at least 20 diapers a day, probably more. His record so far is 3 diaper changes within 20 minutes. Oh yes, this boy likes to be clean!

At the beginning Avi had terrible pains every time after he ate (like Michal did when she was a baby) but Michal figured out a way to feed him that eliminated his cramping. If only they knew 27 years ago what they know today, Michal wouldn’t have had to go through hours of pain and crying and my mother would have been spared miles of walking, hours of rocking and days of sleep deprivation.

We’ve also discovered that Avi loves heat (like his mother and his great grandmother (savta rava)) and that he loves when someone sings to him. He especially likes the score from Oklahoma, Brahm's Lullaby, and every 1940s song that I ever learned from my Auntie Mel.

I think Michal, who is feeling a bit insecure at the moment, will find that things will get easier as time passes. At the beginning, breast feeding was hard and painful. She needed a pillow behind her back and on her lap and it seemed like she needed at least 4 hands. But she stuck with it and now she’s an expert. The other day she even nursed the baby standing up as we walked through a department store. And no one ever knew. It’s all a learning curve and Jonathan and Michal are both in the process of discovering what they need to do for themselves as well as for their little one. It’s more than a bit overwhelming to have this living, breathing being totally dependent upon you, but I think we turned a corner this morning when I was holding Avi and he began to cry and cry. I just couldn’t soothe him. But the moment I handed him to his mommy, he stopped crying and was very content. He just wanted to be with mommy. It surprised Michal but also went a long away in continuing their bonding.

I don’t even want to think about leaving tomorrow. This has been such a wonderful trip, I wish it would never end. I guess that’s what webcams are for. And I’m already looking at tickets for December.

Jan/Janet/Mom/Bubby