Usually in this blog I write about life in Cincinnati, school, or fun general things. I rarely write about my and Jonathan's marriage, primarily because (to quote a friend) we're "disgustingly happy." But something happened the other day that I thought was fascinating.
Scene: Late afternoon on a dreary gray day. Michal is in the kitchen, cooing to the baby while doing dishes. Jonathan is outside using the leaf blower to collect the leaves from the yard.
Michal: "Hmm, I want chocolate."
Michal brings mini-Snickers outside, tells Jonathan to open his mouth. Jonathan looks befuddled but complies. Michal pops chocolate inside.
Jonathan: "Thank you."
Jonathan chews chocolate, swallows, and returns to leaf-blowing. Michal returns to dishwashing inside the house.
Now, this seems like a very simple transaction, but Jonathan and I have since dissected it to death. Why did I bring him the mini-Snickers? Because I love chocolate and wanted to show him I loved him. One of my love languages is food, so by providing Jonathan with a Snickers by surprise, I thought he would feel overcome with tenderness and know immediately that I appreciated his yard work.
Jonathan, on the other hand, does not have the same association with food that I do. Instead, he thought that I had wanted chocolate and felt guilty about eating it, so then gave some to him as a way to alleviate my guilt. It was only afterwards that he realized, "OH, it's a sign of love." At around the same time I realized, "Jonathan doesn't care about food. That probably meant nothing."
Later that night I asked him what would be his quick symbol of "I love you, thank you for doing icky lawn work." And you know what he said? "Come outside and give me a kiss." "A kiss?" I asked. "That's it?" "That's it. A kiss means love much more than chocolate ever could."
It seems so simple. This understanding is better for our marriage. But, still, I don't get it... how does food not equal love?!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
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5 comments:
I'm willing to concede that a kiss is a good symbol of love. However, for a kiss to "mean[] love much more than chocolate ever could," one of two things must be the case: (1) he just hasn't had real (preferably dark) chocolate in a while, or (2) you must be one heck of a kisser.
awww! i totally feel you Michal! :) I sometimes do the same thing with Kie where I'll think he'll get my sign of affection and then he thought of another way of looking at it. :)
Michael - ROTFL!! Obviously the latter.
Tara - yay, I'm not alone. :)
It's difficult to say whether it's genetic, cultural, upbringing habits or all of the above. I like to equate Jewish mothers to Italian grandmothers. Whenever there's a problem, the solution is always food. Heaven help the poor person who has an Italian Jewish mother. Passing a brussel sprout just might equate to a marriage proposal.
Antonio, LOL!! At least make the passed vegetable be a carrot or something. NO ONE likes brussel sprouts. :)
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