We took advantage of her visit to do some fun things that usually don't happen, like Sunday brunch. (I'm also usually teaching, but hello winter break!)
Becca and Jonathan, the syrup connoisseursXander was very vocal about our menu choices. Or maybe I should say that he's very vocal now, period.
Conversation at IHOP.
Becca is awesome with the baby, and we played, watched some ST: Voyager episodes from her IPOD, made more chocolate chip cookies, and just hung out. She loves Rummikub, just like I do, and we're evenly matched - she ended up beating me, 5 games to 4. Hmph, I say. It was all the luck of the tiles. :)
Playing with Becca.
All of us sang songs. Becca knows the ABC song backwards! Sadly, I do not have this on tape. But Xander was happy to sing along with me the regular way.
Singing along with Mommy.
And since last night was Becca's last night, she and I then stayed up so late talking that the menfolk crashed.
Sacked out on the couch.
On a more serious note, she and I had a really good conversation about changes in people when they become parents. This made me think of changes in my own expectations about parenthood, specifically how my newfound realization that practicality does not always live up to my ideals.
Here are four specific ways off the top of my head: when I was pregnant I wanted to do cosleeping, with Xander sleeping next to our bed. But Jonathan likes to sleep with the room at 65 degrees, and Xander needs it closer to 75. So off to a nursery the baby went. Two, when I was pregnant I had wanted all the baby's clothing to be organic - now, after going through so many outfits that he's outgrown (already!) I just want clothes that aren't itchy. Three, philosophically, I'm still deeply into Montessori. We aren't buying toys that flash or light up, or that make loud noises. And I still prefer wooden toys that I know aren't coated with potentially toxic paint or chemicals. But now, if someone gives us something plastic, I'm not going to give it back. And lastly, when I was pregnant, I thought I would never use a bouncy chair because I would be so into babywearing; now I thank my lucky stars for the chair, because I find the wrap really inconvenient at times, and I'm tired of always eating to the side so as not to drip on him.
Becca saw these expectations of mine kind of dashed against a wall. What about other people? Does this whittling down of ideals to reality happen to everyone? And if so, what has changed/do you think might change? I assume that this keeps happening in parenthood at every stage. Actually, I guess it just happens in life in general...
Here are four specific ways off the top of my head: when I was pregnant I wanted to do cosleeping, with Xander sleeping next to our bed. But Jonathan likes to sleep with the room at 65 degrees, and Xander needs it closer to 75. So off to a nursery the baby went. Two, when I was pregnant I had wanted all the baby's clothing to be organic - now, after going through so many outfits that he's outgrown (already!) I just want clothes that aren't itchy. Three, philosophically, I'm still deeply into Montessori. We aren't buying toys that flash or light up, or that make loud noises. And I still prefer wooden toys that I know aren't coated with potentially toxic paint or chemicals. But now, if someone gives us something plastic, I'm not going to give it back. And lastly, when I was pregnant, I thought I would never use a bouncy chair because I would be so into babywearing; now I thank my lucky stars for the chair, because I find the wrap really inconvenient at times, and I'm tired of always eating to the side so as not to drip on him.
Becca saw these expectations of mine kind of dashed against a wall. What about other people? Does this whittling down of ideals to reality happen to everyone? And if so, what has changed/do you think might change? I assume that this keeps happening in parenthood at every stage. Actually, I guess it just happens in life in general...
2 comments:
That IHop conversation drives me out of my mind. He is talkin' back to you, and letting you know exactly how he feels about the whole business. And he expresses himself with feeling! Oh, I'm plotzing to SEE him and HEAR him and SMELL him and HOLD him!!! He is gorgeous and precious beyond description. And no! I am not prejudiced or biased ... just giving voice to an objective observation!!!!
Savta/SavtaRAbah
You know, honey, change is the way of the world and although change is often hard (only because we're afraid of the unknown...and I'm an expert on that one!) it's what keeps us alive and in the now.
All the 'changes' you've made regarding Xander are really just adaptations to his and your (collective) needs. I believe your sense of 'failure' or 'disappointment' comes from the fact that you DID have expectations, major expectations, and assumptions on how things would go and assumptions always set us up for disappointment...in ourselves or others. What you're doing to meet your and his needs are simply positive responses that improve your lives. How wonderful! Remember, there really is no failure, just feedback. And you've simply been adapting to a lot of feedback lately! May you always continue to do so.
I love you and believe in you.
Mom
Post a Comment