Ari is three months old today!

In celebration - or most likely, because I'm three months sleep deprived - I didn't get out of bed til 3pm.  That, of course, did involve multiple nursing sessions, diaper changes, and readings of board books.  Now he's asleep again, and I'm posting this as procrastination rather than editing a client's dissertation. Oh well.  It'll get done sometime....

Origins

By Jonathan

(Please note the links to some terms that might be new to readers)

So this weekend was busy but fun-filled! It started with a trip up to Columbus to attend Origins, a conference of gamers that was created by Gary Gygax, the creator of D&D. We got there early in the morning as we had only one day and there was a lot to see. This was Michal’s first RPG conference and she didn’t know what to expect. In talking to her afterwards, she told me she enjoyed it more than she thought she would. There was a huge room of vendors, another room for tabletop games, one for showcasing art, another for card games, and more. It filled the whole convention center, and we only saw a small part of it.

Xander had a blast. He laughed excitedly when he got to play with foam swords and dice, and he fell in love with a pink plush dragon he named Gerlal (he was very specific on its pronunciation, correcting us repeatedly when we tried repeating his name).

My friend Tim went with us and the two of us had a great time together. He is something of a miniature addict and I lost him around halfway through the day as he sifted through a tub containing over a thousand 1” monster miniatures. Michal was off nursing somewhere and I picked out special sparkle dice for Xander.

I’d like to make a special note here. Two year-olds are exceptionally good at racing through crowds of people. I had Xander at my side when he decided that running through the convention hall was a brilliant idea (that or he really wanted to find those foam swords again) and before I could finish my sentence “Xander, come back here,” he had weaved through 50 feet of people. I tried to keep up, but he left no wake in the crowds for me to follow and he was gaining yards every second. Fortunately my gaming skills taught me how to flank, and I plotted a course though some gaps that placed me in an intersecting course to catch up with him. He was laughing hysterically, thinking it was the funniest game while my heart was beating like I had just pulled him from a chasm. Suddenly those child leashes seemed like a brilliant idea. Gerlal was later purchased with the explicit condition that he had to stay within 2 feet of me at all times. He kept his bargain, bless his heart.

We had lunch at North Market, a Columbus, Ohio version of the shuk. I had Indian, Michal had Mediterranean, Xander had pizza, and Tim barbeque. Michal then took the kids to the park with my sister Natasha, who also lives in Columbus, while Tim and I went back to Origins. After the dealer’s room closed they picked us up and we went to dinner (Mexican), with frozen yogurt for dessert. It was nice to catch up with her and she rarely let Ari out of her arms. By the time we finished our yogurt it was time to head back down to Cinci. Everyone was exhausted. The two boys went out like a light in the back while Tim kept nodding off in the passenger seat. Michal couldn’t sleep because she was so tightly crammed in between the baby seats and I, of course, was driving.

The next day I surprised Xander with his pink sparkle dice and a “dice boot” for rolling them. He was in heaven. I got a pair of real bone dice and a full set of gaming dice cut from quartz crystal.

Michal and her Hebrew dice.

Star Wars, Battle at Hoth. Rebels on the left, Republicans...er.. the Empire to the right.

Close up of the Imperial forces. You can almost see Cheney in the cockpit.

A wheelchair Steampunk style. Steampunk was the theme this year.

Since Steampunk was the theme, there was lots of Victorian fashions for sale as well.

After dinner, we changed Xander into PJs for the ride home before letting him have some frozen yogurt for dessert. He so has that European "cool" look in his eyes.

Sunday we went swimming with Maura and Liad, and tuckered out both boys thoroughly.It was Ari’s first time in the pool and he was overwhelmed.The bathtub just went on forever!

Our weekend did end on a bittersweet note, as we said our final farewell to Aaron and Lauren, who are moving to Washington D.C. in their new life as rabbi and rebbetizin/Georgetown student. Xander, however, did sing them a farewell song. See below.

Here are some videos of Xander getting the special dice I had got him at the conference.

Growth spurts

Both boys are on one. Ari is now 14 pounds! He's also in the 90th percentile in height, according to the doctor's charts in this morning's checkup. He laughs, coos, is very alert, stands up with his weight on his feet if you prop him, and rolls over to one side.

Xander's all of a sudden in size 3T, and he moved up to the 30-36 month old room in preschool.  His language skills never cease to amaze me. Take yesterday's venture into metaphor: he was telling us about how he and some other kids chased each other back and forth in the sprinklers at school.

"Were you fast, Xander?" Jonathan asked.
"Yes, Xander very fast," he answered.
"Who chased you?" Jonathan continued.
"Lior did." [Israeli boy's name]
"Is Lior fast?"
"NO! Lior slow, like turtle."

We cracked up. A bit insulting to Lior, but clever of Xander to put together nonetheless.

(As for what the grown-up boys did this past week when I wasn't blogging?  Ari accompanied Jonathan and I to an exhibit on Cleopatra at the Cincinnati History Museum.  Xander played at the Children's Museum and attended another fire-truck-themed birthday party.  I made it a point to go visit a couple other stay-at-home moms lest I go crazy.  Jonathan is getting together a group for a new Dungeons and Dragons game.  And tomorrow we all go to Columbus for a role playing game convention.  Fun all around.)

Father's Day

We went to an Indian restaurant for lunch, and Jonathan got lots of comments on his hand-made tie, courtesy of Xander at preschool.  One guy in his 20s actually came over and said, "Aww"! 

Ari "helping" Xander make a homemade card.  Primarily by cooing.

Ari has a secret... but he's not telling!

Red-letter day!

It's a day for milestones.

1) Xander sang us the whole alphabet, complete with the "now I know my ABC's" part.

2) Ari laughed!  Jonathan and Xander were pretending to be birds and apparently Ari thought the chirping was hilarious.  He giggled for a whole three minutes straight.

In other news, Mr. Rogers is on full rotation at our house.  (Norbert asks for him specifically.)  Yesterday we learned about the circus; today was how to behave in restaurants.

What an exciting life I lead. :)

Book reviews

I've been woefully behind on recording what I'm reading.  Not that it's particularly life-changing, or even worthy of an "aww" like kid pictures.  But I've heard from some loyal readers that they do occasionally read some of my recommendations.  So here goes.

Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace by Ayelet Waldman, a reread.  Still good, still pertinent.  Except that this time I have two kids, not one, so the chapters discussing siblings mean more.  My only wish is that she would spend more time on the "Bad Mother" guilt aspect of not spending as much time with the older children as with the baby.  Or who knows, maybe she didn't feel guilty on that score, and it's just me!

The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to Guilt edited by Ruth Ellenson, another reread.  (Sensing a theme?)  I first read it in 2005 (I know because I wrote it as my "Jewish book review" on my HUC application).    She talks about things like marrying a goy, not calling your mother, not feeling connected to Israel, pepperoni pizza on Passover, pedicures on Yom Kippur, and more.  After rereading Bad Mother, I did a search on Ayelet Waldman and realized she had an essay in it.  It's just as good as I remembered. 

This I Believe: On Love, edited by Dan Gediman.  A series of 500-word essays, first heard on NPR.  It was part of my anniversary present and covers all kinds of love, from love for parents and children and siblings, to love for places (e.g. the mountains or the house you grew up in) to love for teachers and food and truth and singing.  Some essays made me laugh, some made me cry, some I couldn't relate to it in the least.  Overall though, it was very worthwhile.

One Day by David Nicholls.  The most original love story I've read since The Time Traveller's Wife.  It's about Dexter, the rich party boy, and Emma, the brainy writer, who meet for the first time the day they graduate from college, on July 15th.  Each chapter is set in July 15th of the next year, so we follow Dex and Em's relationship for 20 years, through various jobs, lovers, and even when they're estranged from each other.  The perfect beach book.  Which explains why it's being made into a movie as we speak.

The Hand That First Held Mine by Maggie O'Farrell.  A much more serious book, about two female artists, one in 1950's England and one now.  Both are driven, dealing with careers and parents and men and babies.  Both women are fascinating characters in their own right, and as the novel progresses you see how they're connected.  Some excerpts I found unbelievably moving; her writing style is beautiful.  It reminded me of Dara Horn.

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson.  This one is my favorite by far, I highly recommend it.  I was going to summarize it myself, but in creating the book link I realized that Amazon.com reviewer Jill Shtulman has already done it for me:

Major Pettigrew is a very proper and delightfully droll widower of 68 who resides in the quaint village of Edgecombe St. Mary in Sussex, England. He is the father of Roger, a posturing and preening young man who has incorporated none of the values of his dad. And he is also the accidental suitor of the proprietress of the village mini-mart, Jasmina Ali, a 50-something Pakistani widow who shares his love of Kipling and his wry look at the world in which they both reside. The two of them -- the quintessential local and the attractive outsider -- must navigate the gossip and outright prejudice of their stilted society. Helen Simonson writes, "He (the Major) had always assumed gossip to be the malicious whispering of uncomfortable truths, not the fabrication of absurdities. Was a life of careful, impeccable behavior not enough in a world where inventions were passed around as facts?" 

This is by no means "chick lit", nor is it hard-hitting politically correct narrative, couched in fiction. It is a charming English comedy of manners -- in places, a laugh-out-loud comedy. A scene, for example, where the atrocities of Pakistani Partition are reduced to a bad-taste dinner show or where the favored ducks of schoolchildren are chosen as prey for a duck hunt are satirical and spot-on. 

Yet despite its gentle humor, Major Pettigrew's Last Stand touches on many of the big issues: the clash of culture and religions, the greed of unbridaled globalization, the tension between fathers and sons...and families in general. At its heart, though, it is an old-fashioned love story. I couldn't help but stand by the sidelines rooting for the Major and his lady and keep my fingers crossed for their eventual coupling. The book is an ode for anyone who refuses to give up on life or love at any stage of life.

I couldn't agree with her more.  

I must say, I love not having any responsibilities this summer.  I can't remember the last time I was able to read like this, at the pace I wanted.  I do know that I'm going for lighter fare, because it's always hard on me to only stay at home; I've had Room and Sarah's Key on my shelf for a good long time now, but they seem too heavy.  Next up I think I'm returning to fantasy - "The Game of Thrones" on HBO has been garnering lots of attention and it's based on a book series which Antonio highly recommends.  New series, here I come!

Only kind of funny... because it's all too real.

Blatantly cut and pasted from Amber Dusick's blog.  I don't know her from Adam, I first saw this as someone else's Facebook post.  But it was too good not to share.

what it is like to (not) sleep at night - illustrated with crappy pictures

INTRO: Here is installment #2 in my "real life parenting" series.  The first one was here.  I draw crappy pictures because I don't have actual photos of these experiences.  Here goes...

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I've always been jealous of my husband's ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. It isn't his fault that he is a deep sleeper.  But I can't help it.  It totally pisses me off.  

We climb in bed at 9:00PM...

By 9:03 my husband is completely asleep.

I'm nursing my youngest and haven't even begun to think about sleeping yet.  I lay there motionless, pretending to be calm and relaxed so he'll fall asleep. Anyway, I'm cold since the blankets aren't on my top half.

So I pretend to be sleeping but really I'm going over the "to do" list or re-winding conversations from earlier.  Or having pretend conversations that might happen in the future.  On a good night the baby settles pretty fast.

Finally, around 10:00PM he is asleep.  Success!  He rolls over and my body is my own for the first time all day.  I can pull up the blankets a little.  I close my eyes for real.  Start to relax and let go...

Until I hear a noise.  

Becoming a mama has given me heightened spidey senses.  A tiny noise a mile away wakes me up like a mama bear, ready to protect her young.

My husband did not inherit this quality with parenthood.

Wide-eyed, I strain my ears to hear.  This particular noise is one I'm all too familiar with.

Enter 4.5 year old.  I thought he was asleep by now.  He has no concept of being quiet while people are sleeping, so he barges in loudly asking for random shit.  I have to jump out of bed and rush him out of the room so he doesn't wake the baby.  This attempt is successful about 50% of the time.  Lets assume it was successful tonight.

So now I'm in the hallway, hearing my 4.5 year old's demands and bargaining with him.  Water, bathroom or covers on or off, etc.  I have no real power here, I'll agree to anything to get him back in bed quietly.  When he has exhausted all the standard stuff, he finishes by needing to tell me somethingvery important, like "I saw a rock today on the ground and it had dirt on it and I forgot to tell you! " and I steer him back to his room.

By the time I head back to my bed, the baby has turned into a starfish.  Legs and arms stretched out, taking up my whole side of the bed.

I slide next to and under him being careful not to wake him.  I can't move.  I'm scared to breathe.  This is a very delicate situation.  I have to move him.  I have to risk it.

The first attempt to move him just makes it worse.  He swings both arms and legs on top of me.  He is stirring now so I can't move a muscle.  I'm like a statue while I listen to his breathing to hear when he is in a deep sleep again to move him.   

Finally, it is midnight and I've successfully moved him.  I haven't heard my 4.5 year old in a while so he must be asleep too.  I fall asleep for the first time!

Until I'm woken by a foot in my eye.  I try to ignore it.  A foot in the eye is a sign that he is starting to move into a lighter sleep.  This means he'll wake up completely to nurse soon.  

So we're nursing again.  I'm half asleep but not mostly just feel like a zombie. My mind wanders to weird stuff.  I close my eyes and see flashes of people and places like a dream except I'm awake.   

Finally he settles again and rolls away.  It is 2:30AM and I can finally get somereal sleep!  It is very unlikely that either kid is going to wake me up again. Sweet sleeping bliss.

Until the two cats come in at 5:00AM and announce that they are hungry.  They continue make this announcement every 15 minutes or so.  I ignore them.  But they know.  They know I'm their target. They know I'm awake no matter how hard I pretend.  They finally settle on my feet so that they will be alerted the moment I stir.  I get a few more minutes of sleep.     

Only to be woken at 7:00AM for a new day.  My 4.5 year old skips into our room and gleefully sings, "Morning!  It's morning time!"  Which wakes up the baby who replies with "Mownin!"  Then they start jumping on our bed.  

Even this doesn't wake up my husband.  He is sound asleep. Sometimes I look at his chest rising and falling with his breath to confirm that he is alive before unleashing the kids on him.  

"Go see Papa" I grumble. 

They have to poke his head and repeat "Papa!" over and over and he finally wakes up.

And what is the first thing out of his mouth?  The one and only thing I DON'T want him to say?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Kidlets galore

Remember Hagrid's find in Harry Potter, Norbert the baby dragon?  Mom got him a Norbert puppet when she went to the HP park in Florida.  It's his new best friend. 

Both my boys.

Jonathan is very, very loved.

Two minutes after the above picture was taken, Simcha decided that he was feeling left out.

Ari's never had a purring, vibrating pillow before.

King Arthur's Court Toys had a 30th birthday party, complete with great toy sales and face painting.  It was the perfect indoor outing for a day that came with a 95 degree heat advisory.

"Fixing" the plane.

Xander the superhero!

Xander instructed the woman on what to paint, where.  I was personally instructed not to wash it off.

So that you fully understand Norbert appreciation.  As well as how awesome his preschool is - in their unit on musical instruments, they made shoebox guitars with different color rubber bands as the strings!

Really cute video

It's all of thirty seconds - to quote my husband, "it's hard to be a deep thinker!"

My new favorite drink

PLUS

It tastes like it should be alcoholic, but it's not.  Perfect for summers on the porch swing.

Who needs to learn to walk?

At the Children's Museum this afternoon.

Trying out his new swing in the evening.

An eventful few days

Ari, 10 weeks, and Rachel and Ami's son Max, 6 weeks.  Ari's big for his age, and Max is small. 

Playing Shabbat.  The challah is under the cover (red cloth with lace), and he's holding the kiddush cup and wine bottle.  This is before the toys got cleaned out on Sunday.. that whole shelf area is now like new.

Simcha the indoor lug, watching Osher utterly relax outside in the heat.

Mr. Yogurt Face, enjoying dairy treats at the Shavuot petting zoo at the JCC.

Ah, the goats.

Playing music

This Saturday was also Jonathan and my 7th year anniversary.  For the first time ever, we had a babysitter watch both kids when we went out to a nice Indian buffet.  Jonathan got me some great books, I got him some miniatures for use in our Dungeons & Dragons group.  All in all, a very lovely weekend.

Compare and contrast

About two years ago I wrote a blog entry about how having a baby had changed my life.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and am realizing that I have just as much to say about the second baby.  You’d think that parenting would be old hat, that I’d been there, done that.  But no.  (Except for the fact that that last line rhymes because now I read significantly more Dr. Seuss than I ever did before.)

I appreciate Ari’s infancy in a way that I didn’t with Xander: I love the baby smell, the adorable smiles, the way he nuzzles into my shoulder when I hold him.   And this shocks me; I hated the newborn stage before.  Maybe I feel differently because it’s easier to be a parent to Ari: as much as I love my firstborn, I admit that he never slept.  He also cried and screamed.  Ari rarely cries, and while he won’t nap lying down by himself, he’ll sleep fine in a wrap or next to us (which means I sleep at night). 

Then again, perhaps it has nothing to do with Ari himself:

-         -  Jonathan’s home and we split childcare, so I’m not as easily overwhelmed. 

-          -  Breastfeeding is ten times easier, since I know what I’m doing.  I don’t need three pillows around me, or even any pillows; last weekend I nursed him in a wrap while walking around at the zoo, without thinking twice.

-          - I’m much more laid-back about things, which surprised me because I hadn’t thought I was that anal retentive with Xander.  But two years ago I was concerned with getting out of the house every day to stimulate him, of exposing him to music and books so he wouldn’t be bored.  Now I figure he’s stimulated enough just by being around me in daily life, so I don’t worry about it.  The same for naps; Xander was on a strict schedule.  Now as long as Ari falls asleep every few hours, I’m fine.  Basically, it’s the old adage about the pacifier: the paci falls out of the mouth of the first child, you sterilize it. It falls out of the mouth of the second child, you wipe it off and put it back.  We don’t use pacifiers, but I definitely understand the sentiment.

-          - When Xander was born, it was hard for me to keep up a running monologue.  Now I talk all day and don’t even notice it.  One of Xander’s favorite things to do on walks or when I push him on a swing is to ask me to sing, about anything, and I find that I can warble on for half an hour about nothing before I need to take a breath.  (Whether that’s good or bad is still up for debate!)

-         - I have a support network, i.e. more friends with kids.  With Xander, I was still trying to form community outside of HUC, but now, I know lots of moms from temple, the home birth circle, and old friends from home who had kids.  Even on Facebook, I can put a question about childrearing as my status and 15 people reply.

 - Before I struggled with dressing the baby in shirts and pants, and was always frustrated when the shirts rode up.  With Ari I gave away all the shirts and dress him in onesies or pajamas all day.

-          - It’s summer!!  And Xander was born in winter.  I love heat, and sunshine, and I can’t discount how much this probably helps.

-          - I still have a 2 and a half year old to take care of on top of Ari.  So as complicated as it gets, I’m definitely not bored!  With Xander alone the infancy period seemed so... mundane, for lack of a better word.  Now there’s always something going on.  Ari adds to our already established life, but he doesn’t completely overturn it.

-          - I’m already used to a baby!  Like, I’m not disappointed if there are four interruptions in the middle of a movie.  Or by the fact that it’s taken me three days to compile this blog entry.  I don’t over-plan for the day, but am realistic in what I can get done.  And if I DO want to do something and then don’t, I don’t beat myself up or think I’m a bad parent.  I practically expect it.  (I also reread Bad Mother and that helped, too!) 

Other random things:

-          - God there’s a lot more laundry!  And this child spits up, which Xander rarely did.  We go through towels and washcloths at an alarming rate.

-          - I used to swear by A&D for diaper rash.  But that was til I discovered Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.  Odd name, but it makes all redness go away. It's so much better than A&D, I can't sing its praises enough.

-          - The cats were unbelievably clingy to me when Xander was born, and didn’t like him at all.  Now they’re so friendly to Ari, Yentl actually let him pull her tail!

- Again, experience is my friend.  I know I have more work to do, papers to write, to finish out the HUC spring semester.  But unlike before, I'm not even going attempt it until the baby's at least three months old. 

I’m sure there’s more, but if I don’t post this now, I never will.  I just really do feel... better... overall.  And it makes me wonder - not that this is in the cards for years yet - but what changes will a third child bring?

A much younger Xander

Cleaning out my digital files, I found this video from six months ago.  It was at Hanukkah, when we gave Xander his kitchen set.  This is his first time exploring it.  His vocabulary has definitely changed, but his love of organizing is still the same!